I'm feeling... Tuesday, May. 11, 2004 Ok, so this is my update. Wow. You know, I said that I would try to update more and more often. However, I didn't. Sorry about that. I guess I could blame it on my general lack of interest in being on the internet, or my overly occuring forgetfulness, or even me wanting to keep things in my life more on a personal level than out in the open. But those would be false. Really, it's just laziness. Pure and simple. I'm talking about the me, sitting on the couch (or bed), and playing my beloved video games all day, kind of laziness. Ah well. Here goes. First off, I'm going to join the reenactment group depicting the Waffen SS Leibstandarte. I'm really excited about it. Tony has already joined up with them and is loving it. I still want him to get me a souvenir from Fort Knox. HEHE... Well, sadly enough, I can't join up right away. It looks like it is going to suck 1500 bucks from my bank account. Ah well. It's going to be fucking worth it. This reenactment group is something that I could really get into. Just the idea of me getting my hands on a Kar 98 is freaking masturbatable to. I'll be sure to do it at some point this summer. Let's see. Oh, there's the thing with Jer. Ok, so I go over there on friendly terms, after being invited when Jer's sister call up her mom and tells her that I'm over there. The filthy whore books it over to Jer's and makes a huge scene about how the house is still hers and I'm not allowed on her property, blah fucking blah. I wish she had done something, justifiably reactionable to. But no. Jer suprisingly spoke up in my defense. Tony, like a madman, jumped in. The pothead and Tony went back and forth for about fifteen minutes. Tony got kind of riled up with the lies she was vomiting out. I know I thanked him once, but I'll do it again. Thanks Tony. Well, I'm not goin' up there any more. I have no real reason to go up there anyway. Jer is just not the same anymore. I guess that he is perfectly happy with his woman up there. Have fun Jer. I'm pretty much done. If you want me to be around, you have to call me. You have to make somewhat of an effort and stop being an asshole to Lacey. She cares and you don't. Sorry, but that's how I feel. And I'm not moving on it. Ok, second. JOHN'S BACK!!! He just came back from basic and AIT. It fucking cool having him back around. And it's summer time, so Tony is out of school. I get to hang out with some quality komorades. This is going to be a really good summer. I don't know what we are going to be doing but its bound to be better than just sitting around, alone all the time. Oh, so I went to Resonate with Tony and Lexy. It was fucking awsome. Empress was on fire that night as well as DJ Cypher. Nitro, well, he plays alot of funky house, and that is just not my cup of tea. The chill out room was really fucking awesome. Really good ambients and progressives in there. With some interesting drum n' bass to boot. We stayed there almost the entire night too! The car ride home was good and relaxing as well. I tried to go to Sungasm, but my Mom didn't feel like driving. I hate not having car insurance for myself. Otherwise, I would have driven. There are two girls out there who are very sad about not getting to go. I just want to tell them that I am very sorry. If there is something that I can do to make it up to you, just ask. I'll do what I can. The next one that I find that you two can go to, I'll do everything that I can to get you there. Well, last of all, something that has been harassing the fuck out of me for the past few MONTHS is the fact that I don't have a god damned job. I can't find work, despite the fact that businesses around here are screaming for employees. I have looked in several places around here and none of them are hiring. Slackers, Kinkos, Wal-Mart, Lowes, Barnes & Noble, Hastings, all of the stores in the mall, except for Victoria's Secret that is, state agencies. None of those have even called me. I have called them and I get nothing. None of them tell me why they "feel that my employment is not necessary at this time" or some other bullshit. I can tell you why though. It's because I have a GED. It's because I don't have any smattering of college education. It's because I have long hair. It's because I want to be who I feel that I am. Well, you know what that means. I am announcing this now. I AM GOING TO CUT MY HAIR AND SHAVE MY BEARD. Tony, would you be to horribly opposed to video taping this sad event. I would like to show this tape to family at some point. I can't fucking believe that I'm doing this. To tell you the truth, I'm kind of scared of this. I wanted to get a job where I could keep my appearance and be happy with what I did. Why is it that I couldn't be me. I just want to go to college. I just want to go to Japan. I just want to be happy. You know, I can live with this. Can't make an omlet without cracking a few eggs, right? Might as well crack my soul. Fuck it. If that's what it takes to make it, then so be it. By the way. It's Tony's birthday soon. Be sure to get him plenty fucking plastered. And drunk too. For those who live life in their own way... Later, Adam "Tyr" Cameron

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